3/15/2021 0 Comments The Opposite of PLay is DepressionOne very long, very difficult chapter of my career is coming to a close soon, so I have some space to reflect rather than just survive. Play has been at the forefront of my mind a lot lately. Play is an essential part of being human--it helps in brain development, social cohesion, relieves stress, supercharges learning, and just adds joy to life. I am not a neuroscientist or psychologist, so I won't venture into many details here except to say that scientific research has shown this over and over. Yet, somewhere between childhood and adulthood many of us stop playing, eventually even forgetting HOW to play. This gradual shift is especially common in competitive sports, and it is a big factor in driving youth away from sport. The shift is also a big factor in the unhappiness of many youth who choose to stay in sport for longer. I have seen it in myself and I have seen it in my students. As Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the US National Institute for Play, says: "The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression." Time is limited and sport is expensive, though, so athletes, parents, and and coaches choose to prioritize setting goals and "moving forward" . Pressure for college application resume building pushes this need for achievement, as does the human need to keep up with the Joneses. With so much focus on goal setting, discipline, hard work, and achievement, we often forget to build play into our athletes' (and our own) days. As an aside, you may have heard the adage "work hard, play hard". Some people use this to refer to the concept of work-life balance. Unfortunately, this saying is often used in the sports world to justify the binge drinking, mixed-age parties, inappropriate relationships, and sexual misconduct all too common in the elite and developmental levels of many sports. Let me be clear--alcohol induced partying and inappropriate relationships are not "play". This is toxic, sometimes illegal behavior and is a conversation for another day. The play that I'm talking about refers to simply doing an activity with no real purpose other than for pure enjoyment. Swinging, geocaching, dancing in the kitchen, trying to play an instrument or draw, learning about houseplants, metal detecting, cheesemaking, whittling, or simply daydreaming--they're all valid hobbies to help us tap into our creativity and explore new possibilities without a goal in mind. We all need this sort of play--adults, kids, elite athletes, beginning athletes, former athletes, and the never-ever athletes. In his book Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul , Dr. Brown says that "Play is the vital essence of life. It is what makes life lively.” I've turned nearly every hobby in my life into a job--skating, Spanish language and culture, yoga. It is tempting to say that I forgot how to play at my hobbies because of this tendency, but the truth is I don't remember thinking of any activity as "play" since I was about 14. The pressure to perform and fear of failure was just too great. It's no wonder I struggled with depression, anxiety, and an ED, and it's no wonder I ended up chronically stressed out and completely burnt out. Once I started gardening and tending to houseplants, I had to let go of perfectionism (there's no way to control Mother Nature). I still haven't embraced failure, and I still sense a teeny twinge of jealousy every now and then when I'm losing Putt-Putt or Scrabble, but I'm slowly relearning what it means to play and experiencing so much joy in the process. How do you make play a priority in your life? Leave a comment and let me know. If you'd like to hear more about Dr. Brown's research on play, check out some of his TED talks here.
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This work of loving ourselves is constant. It’s not like we can say “I did a week-long retreat of reflection and now I’m going to love myself forever and always.” Why is self-acceptance and self-compassion so hard? Even if we are naturally compassionate people, and even if we think we are really good at showing compassion towards others, we often fail miserably when it comes to taking care of ourselves. There are lots of ways to show compassion towards ourselves—a spa day, a walk in nature, a favorite movie or book, and dinner with friends (maybe after COVID) can all be means of self-care. These longer practices are important for our well-being, but perhaps even more important is developing strategies that we can implement on a regular basis, on short notice, when we’re short on time, and when the negative self-talk surprisingly rears its ugly head, invading our space. My favorite way to take care of myself is to promise 10 minutes a day, no matter what. No excuses. Sure, I’d love to have time to do an hour or more of asana practice per day, or take a long walk in nature, but that’s not always possible. So, sometimes those ten minutes take the form of sitting and counting my breaths. Other times it means sitting and repeating an affirmation or mantra, such as "I love myself unconditionally". Another favorite strategy is to set a timer and set myself up in a restorative pose for those 10 minutes. My favorite restorative pose is Supta Baddha Konasana, and I’ve spent a lot of time here this week. This is the best pose for me when I’m feeling depressed or anxious. Here’s how you do it: Lay out a sturdy cushion or several blankets with one end on a block (or a big, sturdy book), so it’s at an angle. Sit with your sacrum up against the lower edge of the cushion. Bring the soles of your feet together into Baddha Konasana / Cobbler’s Pose/ Bound Angle Pose and place a folded blanket or towels (or a block) under each knee. Slowly lay back onto the cushion. If your arms feel any strain, you may place additional cushions, pillows or blankets under the elbows (I love this option—feels even more relaxing to me). Finally, place an eye pillow or a scarf over your eyes, relax into the pose, and let the tension melt away. Stay here for as long as you like, preferably for at least 15 minutes for maximum benefit, but less is good, too. I often set a timer so I am not worried about knowing when to come out--this allows me to fully release into the posture--and sometimes I turn on instrumental meditative music to help calm the mind. Keep in mind that in restorative yoga, the intention is to fully release into the posture. When the body feels supported and safe, we allow the nervous system to being to rebalance itself--out of fight or flight mode and into rest and digest, which is key to our long-term health. So... be sure to support yourself with a sufficient amount of props to allow for zero muscular effort. I'll talk more about this rebalancing of the nervous system in another post at a later date. Stay tuned! I’ve been doing a lot of reading in 2021 so far. I love reading, and when I’m hurting for inspiration, there’s nothing better than a good book to kick me in the butt. This month I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Big Magic—Creative Living Beyond Fear.” (You may remember Elizabeth Gilbert from her hit memoir “Eat, Pray, Love”.) In “Big Magic” she talks about having the courage to unearth the treasures that are within us. Each one of us, she says, has the capacity to live a creative life, but we get bogged down with thinking about the outcomes. She suggests that we approach our creations, or our craft (books, paintings, choreography, program, spreadsheets or whatever) with diligence and gratitude because we love it and because we can. Keep your head down and do the work, basically, regardless of the outcome. We are lucky enough to have found our craft, and it is our duty to keep honing it because the world needs to see our individual interpretation of it. Another book that addresses this is Rob Bell’s “How to Be Here”. Bell talks about finding our purpose and that it’s our duty to approach it as a craft, rather than success, which comes with the pressures of an expected outcome. He says: throwing yourself into it begins with being grateful that you even have something to throw yourself into…. We surrender the outcomes because we cannot control how people are going to respond to us and our work in the world….The joy come from being fully present in this moment. The reward is in throwing yourself into it right here and now. I love this. As much as we preach “focus on your own journey” in skating, it’s hard to live that motto when every single outing in our sport is judged, and when social media consistently brags about the achievements of others. By focusing on our gifts and how lucky we are just to be on the ice, we can begin to reframe our relationship with the sport. P.S. If you're curious and want to read either of these for yourself, visit my bookshop to purchase while supporting local bookstores. |
Author // the skating yogiMy name is Sarah Neal. I have been immersed in the world of figure skating for over four decades. I have seen firsthand the abuse that happens at the higher levels of our sport and experienced how that trickles down into unhealthy training practices and habits at the grassroots. I have seen this play out in the operations of the very institutions that control our sport. Whether for a profession or hobby, pursuing skating should be a joyful, rewarding process, an opportunity for athletic and personal growth, and a place to build lasting friendships. Archives
October 2023
CategoriesAll Athlete Well Being Athlete Well-Being Deep Connections Embodied Movement And Meditation Practices Life After Competition Mindful Living |